Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
