this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
