You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
