I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
