Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
