just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
