I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
