My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
What a dumb baby whore.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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