I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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