I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
