Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
