Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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