you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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