May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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