got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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