i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
