i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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