I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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