my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
