I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
