I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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