i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
