Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
