im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize