dude i'm inner monologue high
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you didnt know i had herpes?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
