i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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