hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
