I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
