you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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