Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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