Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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