i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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