I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
