The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
