I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
