Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
