Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
