if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
