U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
