He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
