I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
