Where did you get a picture of my penis
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
