Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
