i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
