He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
