i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
