Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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