the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
