Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think my fart just growled at me.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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