I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
