3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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