you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
