I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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