so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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