When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
