you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
