he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
they're like a gay fantastic four
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
