the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
