Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
