There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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