i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
