Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
