Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
