I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
