Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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