Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
